Getting Off the Emotional Rollercoaster of Selling
Justin Zappulla 
In sales, most lessons are learned the hard way. The process of learning these lessons can create stress, and stress can influence our behaviors. We all know the sales profession can be high-pressure at times. From landing a meeting with a key prospect to losing the big account. The euphoria of a successful deal can quickly change to the frustration of a missed opportunity. The daily life of a salesperson can be an emotional roller coaster. This article explores how sales professionals can regulate their emotions, removing the highs and lows to maximize their sales success.
Understanding Emotional Roller Coasters in Sales
For many sales professionals, emotional roller coasters are a common occurrence. The highs come from successful pitches, closed deals, and President Club awards, leading to an exhilarating sense of accomplishment. When sales are thriving, every day brings the excitement of a holiday.
However, these highs are often juxtaposed with the lows – missed opportunities, rejection, and the pressure to meet demanding quotas. This cycle of peaks and valleys can be emotionally taxing, affecting the mental well-being of sales professionals. These peaks provide moments of triumph but can also contribute to an addictive cycle, where the pursuit of highs becomes a driving force, potentially leading to stress, anxiety, and burnout.
The Psychological Toll: Stress, Anxiety, and Burnout
The emotional roller coaster of sales can exact a significant psychological toll on sales professionals at every level. The constant pressure to perform, coupled with the ever-present fear of rejection, can lead to heightened stress and anxiety levels.
The stakes are high, and the competitive nature of sales can intensify these feelings. This chronic stress can eventually culminate in burnout, a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. Decreased motivation, reduced productivity, isolation, short temper, and increased absenteeism are all signs of burnout.
“Workplace burnout is not just a personal crisis; it’s an organizational challenge that saps productivity, erodes morale, and undermines overall performance,” stated Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project. For sales leaders, it’s essential to acknowledge the potential toll the emotional roller coaster of “bigger, faster, stronger” selling can take and implement emotional regulation strategies for the sales team.
Professional sports and selling have a lot in common. Highly competitive, top talent, and the will to win. In both professions, when our “emotions get the best of us,” regret often follows. The example of Antonio Brown stripping off his jersey and walking off the field during a live NFL football game is what an emotional breakdown looks like.
It is not as dramatic for sales professionals, but behaviors are similar. Voices are raised. Phones are slammed. And the top sales rep on the team can say, “I’ve had enough,” and walk out the door. For Antonio Brown and the top sales rep, this is not a single incident or one-time event. It was the result of accumulated emotional stress that brought about an explosion of emotions.
Detachment as a Strategy for Emotional Regulation
If we realize that selling can create stress and stress leads to burnout, how can sales professionals navigate this stress without the roller coaster of emotions? This starts with acknowledging that emotions can be regulated. Sales professionals should understand that highs and lows do not have to be part of the sales journey. They can detach the emotion from the sales outcome. Here’s an example:
John, an enthusiastic new sales rep, starts his day with high hopes and a long list of potential clients to contact. He diligently calls each one and leaves a personalized voicemail for each prospect. He follows the script from training, confidently articulating the value his solution could bring to their businesses. John anticipated his effort would result in a few returned calls.
However, John’s idealized vision began to crumble as the day ended. Despite his best efforts, not a single call was returned. John’s optimism turned to frustration, and his frustration led him to conclude, “Leaving voicemails is a waste of time.” The next day, instead of leaving voicemails, he makes more calls.
This experience is a stark reminder of how emotions affect and influence behaviors in sales. John’s initial expectation of a day filled with enthusiastic callbacks had collided with the reality of crickets for return calls. This emotional rollercoaster could have been avoided with training from the sales leader emphasizing the importance of detachment. Here’s what detachment looks like for sales reps:
Detachment in sales involves acknowledging that you can’t dictate when a prospect will make a purchase. You can equip them with the necessary information and assistance. Essentially, it’s about mastering the elements within your control. Nick Saban calls it, “Control your controllable.”
By focusing on what you can control, you empower yourself to guide prospects effectively. This strategic approach cultivates trust and positions you as a reliable resource in the client’s decision-making process.
Detachment can help sales professionals realize it’s not their job to talk people into buying. People buy on their timelines rather than ours. But we can provide the critical information they need. You can’t make orange trees grow faster because it’s the end of the quarter, but you can provide water and sunlight for the harvest next quarter.
Providing information that clients care about aligns with the principle that trust is foundational in every transaction. Without trust, there can be no meaningful interaction or deal. Stephen Covey said, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” For salespeople to gain the trust of their clients, they must act in their best interests. All the time.
The opposite of detachment is attachment. The problem with attachments for sales reps is that they lead to the creation of expectations. Expecting to close the deal. Expecting to get the promotion. Expectations are the enemy of high performance.
This dynamic can be seen when a salesperson anticipates a quick close on a deal, only to encounter unforeseen challenges. The misalignment between their expectation and the actual outcome can lead to frustration and even a dip in confidence. This disappointment can, in turn, create a negative feedback loop, further influencing behaviors—just like it has with sales reps, who don’t leave voicemails.
Instead of expecting to win, sales reps can focus on earning the win. The shift from expecting to win to earning the win allows sales reps to focus on the process rather than the outcome. When sales professionals approach their work focused on the process, they inadvertently detach from outcomes. This detachment allows them the mental dexterity to find new solutions that work.
Detaching from the outcome also means reframing how we view prospects. An attached sales rep views prospects as targets to be hunted. Selling becomes something we do to prospects instead of for them.
The greater the attachment a salesperson has with a specific target, the greater the resistance returned on the target’s end. The harder the sales rep pulls, the more the prospect pushes back. This is why it’s crucial to approach opportunities with a mindset of detachment, which allows collaboration and a genuine desire to help them succeed.
One powerful aspect of detachment is rooted in self-determination theory, which asserts that autonomy is a fundamental human need. This concept can be applied in sales by acknowledging that the prospect has the autonomy to make their own decisions. This perspective might sound like, “We may be a fit, we may not. Either way, that’s okay. We’re here to help clients win.”
Here is a sales lesson most of us learned the hard way: The best way to facilitate detachment in sales is to maintain a full pipeline. If you have ever had all your hopes of reaching quota on one large deal closing, you understand the negative emotional impact of having an empty pipeline and how attached you are to the one deal. When you have a pipeline full of potential opportunities, you’re less likely to become emotionally unbalanced if one falls through.
As Zig Ziglar aptly said, “You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” This principle encapsulates the essence of detachment in sales – focus on providing value and building relationships, and the deals will naturally follow.
Conclusion
Emotional regulation is not about suppressing emotions but understanding and managing them effectively. It empowers sales professionals to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. In the words of Maya Angelou, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
By mastering the skill of detachment, salespeople can distance themselves from outcomes, maintain emotional balance, make better decisions, and ultimately build stronger client relationships. This approach leads to stronger, longer-lasting relationships, improved customer loyalty, and increased revenue.
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Justin, nice write-up and useful examples of attachment, detachment and the associated behaviors. I also agree with your conclusion: the best way to facilitate detachment is to maintain a full pipeline. Unfortunately, it is a near universal truth that most reps do NOT have enough good stuff going (in their pipeline). Still, controlling what you can control is a good place to start.